Tabitha and I sat in the oak tree watching the sunset on the Banana River-our first date.
I could not get enough of her English lilt, her UK accent and when she was buzzed her nose maybe itched, but it twinkle, it would sort of shake in such and endearing way and we were six degrees beyond simple buzzed. On my tailgate was a near empty bottle of rum and mixers.
“I have a story,” I said.
Tabitha groaned, “Another story from the Rocket City man?”
“Oh come on,” I laughed.
“Well get me another drink first,” said Tabitha.
I shimmied off my branch to get her a refill.
“Wait, wait a minute, let me run into the bushes real quick.”
I returned and made her a drink and reached way up into the tree where she was sitting and grabbed my on drink and climbed onto my own branch.
“The story,” I said.
Tabitha fake groaned again and giggled.
“Come on now,” I said, “Can’t be that bad.”
Another snicker from the neighboring branch.
“When I got out of the Air Force, I had saved my vacation and money, and spent the summer surfing. It was boring. I mean it was fun but boring, because, you know the waves here in the summer are about as tall as your knees.”
“What wrong with my knees?” said Tabitha in mock indignation.
“Nothing is wrong with your knees, what I meant,”-I had think about how to explain through a fog of rum. “What I meant is the waves are not giant in the summer without a hurricane.”
Tabitha nodded, the answer was suitable.
“Small waves, shore break, so a lot of sitting and chance to talk with the swimmers and sunbathers. I met this woman and I’ll admit she was way out of my league.”
Tabitha snickered.
I took a sip, to see if she was still interested, however she seemed a little high and it probably didnt matter what the story was about.
“This woman, by the way I normally would say “this girl,” bu a lady professor at the college gave me a long lecture. I should use ‘lady or woman’ she said.
Tabitha giggled, “Been long time since someone called me a lady.”
“This woman I met in the surf, she was pretty with a figure like, well like a model but not the skinny models, more like the lingerie models.”
Tabitha looked at me with slitted eyes.
“And we hit it off good, know what I mean? Sometimes you dont hit it off good, right? A belch at the wrong time, right? A carrot stuck in your teeth or something.”
That made her laugh.
“Fried catfish stuck in your teeth and a bandage on your thumb from a butterball catfish spine and some whining?”
“That damn catfish hurt!” I said in defense.
“We hit it off good and I asked her out on a date. She said yes! But wait, it gets complicated,” I said.
“Complicated,” said the English woman.
Where does the accent come from? I had to wonder.
“Complicated, yes. See while we were talking, she explained that her boyfriend who lived out of state, paid for her apartment and she pointed to the condo there on the beach.”
I looked at Tabitha for sympathy.
“A rich boyfriend and I was unemployed. Still, we hit it off so well that I ignored her rich boyfriend and she ignored my lack of a job.”
The English lady chuckled from the next branch, shaking her head.
“But we’re walking towards the shore after I scored my date, walking through the surf and I was watching your backside, watching the bikini, I was young enough that my full concentration was on her backside.”
“Men are pigs,” said Tabitha.
“Of Course I’m pig, and I fully admit that I was watching her backside when a rogue wave came out of nowhere, slapped me in the back of the head and knocked me down. My surfboard was sent airborne flying through the air, and even though it was tied to my leg, there was just enough leash to allow the surfboard to hit her in the back of the head with a solid Clunk!
Hit her so hard so hard that she was knocked face first into the surf.
I was horrified, I helped her up and saw there was a one inch cut in her hair.
Tabitha choked on her drink, “Bloody hell, Rocket City!”
I laughed, her reaction was why I told that story.
“I told her, “We need to get out of the water, the sharks, you know.”
Tabatha start laughing.
“You have way with words,” said the English lady.
“Well, you know, we went on a lot of dates, but the more dates, the more confused I became. The concept of her boyfriend paying for her apartment, was intimating and weird and we eventually drifted apart.”
“Did you go upstairs to her apartment?” asked Tabitha.
I thought about that for a while.
“Oh sure. Yeah, she invited me up,” I said.
“Did you spend the night?” asked Tabitha.
I thought the best answer.
“Well, well did you spend the night?” she asked again.
“Oh hell yes I spent the night!”
We both laughed
“There may have been a love spell, you know,” said Tabitha, pursing her lips.
I don’t believe in that stuff I was thinking.
“The wiles of the fairer sex,” she said with her English accent. “But then men are pigs.”
“Do you know we’re both gonna have a headache tomorrow from drinking and stuff?” I said.
“I won’t” said Tabitha, “I know a spell for hangovers-just like I knew the spell to get rid of Barbara.”
“What?” I asked, “What?”
“Yeah, I knew just what type of spell would scare Barbara away from from you, and knew where to place the jar and troll doll. “
My turn to gape.
“The wiles of the fairer sex,” said with her English accent. “Course never in a million years did I expect you pick it up and ogle it like a bikini.”
“What?” I asked, “How did you know I picked it up?”
“Barbara told me all about it, I even helped her with the purification ritual. She’s terrified of you now.”
“You do know it was a love spell, right?” asked Tabitha. A five penny love spell no less”
My eyes were hurting.
“A love spell,” said Tabitha.
Her nose must have itched when she told me that. She wiggled her nose again, her eyes crinkled.
“You know,” I said. “Should we be sharing the same branch on this date? Those spells you know, they’re powerful things.”
Tabatha started laughing again and fell out of the tree.
